I am out of sorts and bloated and angry for no reason and finding all things in my world to be pleasureless, bleak and gray. No, it is not "that time of the month" thankyouverymuch. No, this dip into the depths is drug induced.
I am on a 6 day course of prednisone.
It does this to me, on about day four. I warned J that come about, oh, Thursday, I would start being out of sorts but when it actually happened I was caught unawares. I was stomping about at work, unable to concentrate, and then just about falling down during dance class. Thinking, for the first time, that I don't like this class anymore and ought to quit. I have never thought this. I love my dance class. What the hell is wrong with me? Oh.....yes. Prednisone.
The reason I am on prednisone is because it is a steroid, and I am trying to reduce the inflammation in my elbow and shoulder so they stop hurting all the freaking time. I would say more on my feelings about this, but there is always that chance that someone from my professional life would come along and read this, and my persona as a sweet, unsullied grade-school teacher would be tarnished. So. Enough about that.
Suffice it to say that it hurts considerably, all the time, and impairs my ability to do everything I would like to do.
The thing is, though, that it really is a minor problem. I was reading today about some poor kid with mitochondrial insufficiency or somesuch and it's going to kill him. I should be so lucky as to have a bum arm and all I need is to put up with prednisone.
Only, it isn't really working. I'm still in a lot of pain (not as much as that kid, though, I'm betting) and it's all making me very grumpy. My brain keeps telling me to cut it out and stop being such a wimp and be grateful I am not in worse shape but this isn't helping. I tried having some ice cream, and that didn't help either. I'm thinking of moving on to wine. There's some nice Moscato in the laundry room.*
Last time I was on this steroid, I was listening to NPR, and Marketplace came on, with the announcement that Ky Ryssdal was on vacation, and I burst into tears. Apparently I really like Ky Ryssdal.
What I don't entirely get is why prednisone does this to me. I mean, it's a steroid, right? The thing that men naturally have in vast quantities? And yet, they are not walking balls of weepiness and rage. Well, not most of them. And here is me, ready to destroy everything in my path with burning rage rays shot from my eyeballs or, alternately, weep myself into a puddle.
The worst part, possibly, is that a dear friend of mine just sent me an advent calendar full of writing prompts, good wishes and pictures of the gifts she donated (in my honor, I guess) to the less fortunate. So I have wonderful, uplifting and quirky things about which to write, and all I can think of is bleak landscapes, and unopened bottles of wine.
So, if you'll excuse me for a few days, I gotta go check on something in the laundry room.
*Don't ask why we have Moscato in the laundry room. I don't know. We have food stored in at least four different places in this house, and I'm not entirely sure why. I think it has to do with the fact that any food I store in the basement pantry is forgotten about almost instantly and only recalled when I go down there to get something from the deep freeze.