Last Friday my son ran full tilt into a safety railing. Got himself a red welt and a lovely greenish-yellow bruise over the bridge of his nose. Looks grand. He was playing tag, didn't watch where he was going and Wham! Right into the safety railing. I'm blaming the gods of irony for this one.
Earlier this year, two of my students were fooling around in class while I was no more than three feet away, but working on connecting up a computer wire. As I turned around to tell them to get back to work as previously told, one pushed the other into a cart and a $400 projector smashed to the ground. D'oh.
A few years ago, a six or seven year old boy climbed up onto some cafeteria tables -- the kind that fold upright and latch so they can be wheeled into the corner. Who knows where his teacher was. Maybe right there, but dealing with another student. Maybe in the hall, corralling other kids while he was supposed to be waiting in line. There are a thousand things that children do that require a teacher's attention, and I defy even the most observant civilian to watch 30 children at a time for five hours and never once lose track of what all of them are doing every second. The vast majority of the time, nothing truly bad happens, but in this case, something did. The latch on the table was broken, or not secured properly, and the table fell, crushing the boy. It was tragic. I don't know the details, but I'm sure there was finger - pointing and blame and a huge lawsuit and possibly criminal negligence charges.
What I do know is that "Jarod's Law" came out of it in Ohio, and a thousand things got hung onto the law, like the banning of a lot of essential classroom items, and requiring an MSDS safety sheet on everything in the room from the hand-sanitizer to the pencils. There were other common sense things too, things that one would think were already codified somewhere, but maybe not, like: no classroom shall have animals deemed poisonous or toxic." Really? Well, damn, there goes my coral snake*. It was so ridiculous that eventually implementation got postponed and we haven't heard much since.
My point here, that I am meandering towards, is that children are unpredictable. They will get into things, break things, hurt themselves, hurt each other either by accident or design and generally fool around when they think they can get away with it. They're not that much different from adults, just smaller, and with less developed frontal lobes to tell them when something they're doing is a really bad idea.
Speaking of adults, a lot of them aren't all that reliable, either. Teachers in general are good eggs, and most of us are good with large groups of children and dealing with all the little unpredictabilities. But we're still people, and have varying responses to a crisis. I tend to have my brain freeze up a bit, lose the ability to string together coherent sentences well and I don't see well.** I forget where things are. I can sorta fake calmness for my students, but all that's happening in my head is a string of swear words. Other people I know scream, freeze, run away, start sobbing and shaking, get hysterical, yell, hyper-fixate on the trivial or stop communicating all together. These are all fairly normal-people reactions to a crisis. People who respond really well to crises would be, well, trained first responders. Soldiers. Police. Firefighters. Emergency Room doctors. They go through a lot of training to learn how to respond to the frighteningly unexpected.
Teachers are not trained this way. It's expensive training, in both time and money. We have a lot of other training in pedagogy, and curriculum development and classroom management and not enough of any of that, really. And honestly, there's no need beyond the standard drills we practice once a month. Fire, Tornado, Lockdown. We practice those faithfully and in 13 years of teaching I've never needed them.***
So, to all the people, including many who ought to know better, who are espousing the idea that all teachers should have loaded guns in their classrooms with them at all times, I say: Are you effing crazy? I'm not allowed to have high-odor markers in my room because they are too dangerous for children to be around. My last school took out a certified-safe slide from the playground because someone got hurt on it for crying out loud. Why? Because kids are unpredictable. Classrooms are places filled with these unpredictable small people who are very capable of getting into places where they shouldn't, even locked places. And no matter how much we want to, it is not possible to watch 20 plus children every second. It just isn't.**** Teachers are not trained to deal with severe crisis situations, and most certainly aren't trained to shoot someone in a chaotic environment filled with children. Hell, I think even a lot of police aren't trained well enough for that.
Arming teachers would cost millions of dollars every year in equipment and training, not to mention funding for the lawsuits that would pop up like weeds for creating an unsafe environment for students. Which actually educational programming are you willing to cut to fund this effort? And all for what? To protect us from the chance that someone might attack the school? Arming teachers is the best way to do this?
Let us imagine that you actually did do this, gave me a loaded weapon to keep in my room. Common sense says it has to be in a locked drawer*****. To which I would have to remember where I keep the key or the code and it would have to be a secure enough place that students wouldn't find it easily. The one-in-a-very-high-number-event-occurs and a gunman attacks! I have to a) go into lockdown mode b) remember where I keep the key/code for the gun drawer (oops, can't recall things when highly stressed.) c) look for the key or where I wrote the code (no dice, since I don't see well when stressed) d) if I do eventually find it and unlock the drawer then e) remember all the training on how to safely operate the gun and aim properly (see problems at b and c) f) wait and keep children calm while holding a freaking gun till said gunman breaks through my locked door g) shoot a moving target while surrounded by small, panicked children.
This doesn't even take in the possibility that there might be a teacher somewhere with mental illness or even just an anger management problem who would misuse the gun on himself or others. It doesn't take in the possibility that an angry student or parent could break into the gun drawer and use the gun. This doesn't take in the actuality at all that it would be making thousands more guns accessible to thousands more people, none of whom have proven themselves capable of safely being around a lethal weapon.
In short, is it a bad idea. There is no logical, reasonable argument that would make this a good idea on any level. If you think there is then we have not done a good enough job of teaching you how to construct a reasoned argument, and you should go augment your education with some debate skills.
Should we work towards keeping schools as safe as possible? Of course.
Should this involve giving guns to untrained civilians, whose training we can't and don't want to pay for? Of course not. That wouldn't keep anyone safer.
I'm sure the gods of irony are just having a field day with the whole idea.
*not really. I don't have classroom pets. I always thought I would, but it turns out I don't have the wherewithal to deal with them. I don't even have plants.
**my eyes work fine. It's that I just don't process what I'm seeing at normal speed. It means that when I'm stressed out I have difficulty finding things that are right there†. It also means that I don't process red lights as well, or other vehicles on the road or anything else unpredictable. I try not to drive when I'm upset for this reason.
***once, when the police were chasing a bank robber several miles away from my school, they put the whole district into lockdown for about 30 minutes. The robber holed up in a private home and there was thankfully never even the slightest bit of danger for a child in a classroom. The authorities were being on the safe side, which is fine. I got to sit and read a book to kids for a bit. It was nice.
****if you think it is then you have a) never been in a classroom and b) do not have children of your own.
*****if you think I'd be keeping this loaded weapon in a holster at my side in a classroom full of children I'm supposed to be working closely with then you are so irrational that you can just quit reading.
†like, for instance, my car keys when I am late in the morning because I can't find my g-d car keys.
disapproving kitty
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Saturday, December 15, 2012
Actually, I Don't Want to Hear Your Pro-Gun Argument, Unless You'd Be Willing to Trade Your Child's Life for One That Was Lost Today
A madman shot and killed 20 children and seven adults today, most of them at a school in Connecticut. Everyone in America who isn't living under a rock has heard about it. The gun debate will boil up with all the usual phrases and such. Nothing will change.
Guns are one of those issues that I just don't put much fight into. There are other fights. I only have so much energy and outrage to go around, so this is one that I just let go. My brothers are legally registered gun owners. Some of my friends are, too, and I've had to tell at least one of them that he may not carry a firearm into my home. He respects that, and I am grateful.
I think it's a bad idea to have one firearm per citizen in our country but it's been made abundantly clear that all the numbers, statistics, and reasoned arguments that tell us that having these weapons readily available is what makes us the killing-est developed country on the planet is never, ever going to convince the someone on the other side to give up even the most ridiculously overpowered and unnecessary weapon in their arsenal.
These arguments can't even convince gun rights advocates to police themselves, or get them to work to ensure that legal guns only get into the hands of people who have the knowledge, will and sense to keep them out of the hands of those who should not have them.
Gun rights advocates insist that they be allowed their weapons, but not one of them has yet to come up with a way to prevent those who should not have guns from getting them. Is it an unsolvable problem, or simply a lack of will? I do not know.
Please don't think that I'm trying to argue that we should take away all the guns. That would be a pointless and fruitless endeavor. The gun lobby won, and this will not change. I don't expect it to.
But there were nearly 13,000 people murdered in the US in 2010, and about 2/3, nearly 9000 of them were killed with a gun. Thousands more people were injured, either accidentally or purposefully, by guns.
A few times a year, madmen take their firearms and kill the innocent, the passers-by, the blameless.
Today, 20 small children are dead because they were shot with a gun.
Guns are one of those issues that I just don't put much fight into. There are other fights. I only have so much energy and outrage to go around, so this is one that I just let go. My brothers are legally registered gun owners. Some of my friends are, too, and I've had to tell at least one of them that he may not carry a firearm into my home. He respects that, and I am grateful.
I think it's a bad idea to have one firearm per citizen in our country but it's been made abundantly clear that all the numbers, statistics, and reasoned arguments that tell us that having these weapons readily available is what makes us the killing-est developed country on the planet is never, ever going to convince the someone on the other side to give up even the most ridiculously overpowered and unnecessary weapon in their arsenal.
These arguments can't even convince gun rights advocates to police themselves, or get them to work to ensure that legal guns only get into the hands of people who have the knowledge, will and sense to keep them out of the hands of those who should not have them.
Gun rights advocates insist that they be allowed their weapons, but not one of them has yet to come up with a way to prevent those who should not have guns from getting them. Is it an unsolvable problem, or simply a lack of will? I do not know.
Please don't think that I'm trying to argue that we should take away all the guns. That would be a pointless and fruitless endeavor. The gun lobby won, and this will not change. I don't expect it to.
But there were nearly 13,000 people murdered in the US in 2010, and about 2/3, nearly 9000 of them were killed with a gun. Thousands more people were injured, either accidentally or purposefully, by guns.
A few times a year, madmen take their firearms and kill the innocent, the passers-by, the blameless.
Today, 20 small children are dead because they were shot with a gun.
In a classroom.
For no reason.
Twenty sets of parents got to touch the body of their dead child, and weep.
And that this is the price of gun ownership in our country.
We will pay it, every year, thousands and thousands of times.
So I'm not going to argue that we should take away all the guns. But I would like someone to explain to me how it is worth the cost.
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Good Thing I Wrote It Down Somewhere
I just finished using a Facebook app to create "My Year In Statuses," which I do ever year because, well, because other people do and it's fun to look back at a year's worth of posts and say "Oh yeah, that happened! I forgot about that."
My favorite ones are about the kids (surprise) and in particular about the goofy things they say like DS yelling "Watch out, DD! I'm going to do some speed!" as he careened around a corner to dive into a pile of cushions. Or when DD told J that I had said she could watch a show.
James: Are you sure mommy said that?
Phia: yes.
James: Are you really sure?
Phia: Yes.
James: Should I go ask Mommy about it?
Phia: No. Don't ask Mommy.
The best one, though, is my observation that DD said "Umbelella" for "Umbrella," and it was so endearing, and I would miss it when it was gone. That was back in January. I knew there was something really cute that she said and couldn't recall what it was until I re-read it tonight.
She doesn't say it anymore. She just says "Umbrella."
And I do miss it.
My favorite ones are about the kids (surprise) and in particular about the goofy things they say like DS yelling "Watch out, DD! I'm going to do some speed!" as he careened around a corner to dive into a pile of cushions. Or when DD told J that I had said she could watch a show.
James: Are you sure mommy said that?
Phia: yes.
James: Are you really sure?
Phia: Yes.
James: Should I go ask Mommy about it?
Phia: No. Don't ask Mommy.
The best one, though, is my observation that DD said "Umbelella" for "Umbrella," and it was so endearing, and I would miss it when it was gone. That was back in January. I knew there was something really cute that she said and couldn't recall what it was until I re-read it tonight.
She doesn't say it anymore. She just says "Umbrella."
And I do miss it.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Some days, I can't handle being me, either
I teach gifted kids. I'm not going to rant about all the flaws in how we find them and what we fail to do for them once we do find them because that's not what this post is about.* I'll just say that I get to work with them for one day a week. I've been doing this for 4th and 5th graders for about eight years.
For the first time in a very long time I'm teaching really small kids, which is rather different than working with the ones who get sarcasm and are pretty good at following multi-step directions. People sometimes ask if the kids are intimidating because they're so smart**, or if they're all absent-minded geniuses***or other such things. They do have very big brains, and they are different in many ways from other kids their age. But they're still just kids.
Yesterday, I had a 7 year old come into class, give me a sad, sad look and say "I just don't think I can handle being gifted today." I took him into the hall to talk and he crawled into my lap and just wept. He wanted to stay with his friends, and go to recess and lunch with them because those were the things that were important.
I let him go eat lunch and have recess with his friends. He missed about half an hour of class, but no matter. He'll catch up.
It is a wonderful thing to have a big brain that is capable of tremendous thinking. I take my job of stretching and challenging these minds very seriously. I do.
But some days, it's all about playing on the swings.
*largely because I don't have the energy for it right now.
**no
***still no
For the first time in a very long time I'm teaching really small kids, which is rather different than working with the ones who get sarcasm and are pretty good at following multi-step directions. People sometimes ask if the kids are intimidating because they're so smart**, or if they're all absent-minded geniuses***or other such things. They do have very big brains, and they are different in many ways from other kids their age. But they're still just kids.
Yesterday, I had a 7 year old come into class, give me a sad, sad look and say "I just don't think I can handle being gifted today." I took him into the hall to talk and he crawled into my lap and just wept. He wanted to stay with his friends, and go to recess and lunch with them because those were the things that were important.
I let him go eat lunch and have recess with his friends. He missed about half an hour of class, but no matter. He'll catch up.
It is a wonderful thing to have a big brain that is capable of tremendous thinking. I take my job of stretching and challenging these minds very seriously. I do.
But some days, it's all about playing on the swings.
*largely because I don't have the energy for it right now.
**no
***still no
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
in a bottle, shrink-wrap, cardboard box, I don't care. I'd just like some.
Dear Santa,
This year for the holidays I would like some time. I'm good with 15 minute increments or hour long blocks, anything is fine, really. Just some time to myself to get a little housework done, or some reading, maybe even do something crafty or bake something. Or sleep. I'd take several hours worth of sleep over a multitude of gifts, easy.
If it's something you can't make at the workshop, I'd be happy to go out and just get some local. Should you find any for sale, let me know. I'll go buy some and give it to J to give to me*.
It's a simple thing. You'd think someone would have figured out a way to do this by now. I suppose I could give up Facebook and get back untold hours of my week, but I don't see it happening.
I'll be looking for it under the tree.
Thanks,
Me
*this is actually pretty standard for our holiday gift-giving. I'll buy and give him several things I know I'd like. Usually by the time I get the gifts, I've forgotten I ever gave it to him. Really.
This year for the holidays I would like some time. I'm good with 15 minute increments or hour long blocks, anything is fine, really. Just some time to myself to get a little housework done, or some reading, maybe even do something crafty or bake something. Or sleep. I'd take several hours worth of sleep over a multitude of gifts, easy.
If it's something you can't make at the workshop, I'd be happy to go out and just get some local. Should you find any for sale, let me know. I'll go buy some and give it to J to give to me*.
It's a simple thing. You'd think someone would have figured out a way to do this by now. I suppose I could give up Facebook and get back untold hours of my week, but I don't see it happening.
I'll be looking for it under the tree.
Thanks,
Me
*this is actually pretty standard for our holiday gift-giving. I'll buy and give him several things I know I'd like. Usually by the time I get the gifts, I've forgotten I ever gave it to him. Really.
I'm not saying I want to join a commune, just that it's nice to get out once in a while
My mother - in - law has been staying with us for about a week and it has been really, really nice.
No. I'm not being sarcastic here. Really. It's been fabulous. She looks after the kids and likes to watch Downton Abbey and pays attention to the cats who have been luxuriating in all the extra petting. She's fun to talk with and likes to tell me stories about J when he was a kid.* J and I both got to go play games at CABS on Friday and tonight we got a bonus date night. Dinner and a movie!
It leads me to believe that, quite possibly, the optimal number of adults in a household is not two. We all know that one adult with children is really less than optimal, because, let's face it, children are exhausting. It's good to have another adult around to help take up some of the slack when you're dead on your feet and you cannot, cannot face reading the Berenstain Bears just one more time. Or someone else to step in and be the voice of reason and support when the whining just hits that pitch that makes you want to rip your eardrums out with a fork. Two adults is good.
But three is better, when all of them are caring and responsible individuals who are good at getting along. And while I don't think I'd be up to the level of closeness needed to live like our neighbors who have four different couples, with varying ages of children living in a house not much larger than ours**, I can't help but think that they might be on to something. If nothing else, I'm going to bet that they get out to the movies more often than we do, and don't worry so much about how much they spend of babysitters.
So that's it. Nothing snarky tonight. Just a little gratitude for having married into a good family of people I like.
And a recommendation to go see Wreck-It Ralph. It's cute. If you'd have to pay a sitter to go see it, though, then maybe just wait till it's out on DVD. Sitters are expensive. I know.
*this probably endears her more to me than to J
**I'm thinking that have at least one more bathroom, though. I hope so. I realize it's a thoroughly late 20th-century American trait but I love having my own bathroom with it's gorgeous tub and walk-in closet. If moving to a commune requires giving up my own bathroom then I'm not going, I don't care how nice the childcare arrangements are.
No. I'm not being sarcastic here. Really. It's been fabulous. She looks after the kids and likes to watch Downton Abbey and pays attention to the cats who have been luxuriating in all the extra petting. She's fun to talk with and likes to tell me stories about J when he was a kid.* J and I both got to go play games at CABS on Friday and tonight we got a bonus date night. Dinner and a movie!
It leads me to believe that, quite possibly, the optimal number of adults in a household is not two. We all know that one adult with children is really less than optimal, because, let's face it, children are exhausting. It's good to have another adult around to help take up some of the slack when you're dead on your feet and you cannot, cannot face reading the Berenstain Bears just one more time. Or someone else to step in and be the voice of reason and support when the whining just hits that pitch that makes you want to rip your eardrums out with a fork. Two adults is good.
But three is better, when all of them are caring and responsible individuals who are good at getting along. And while I don't think I'd be up to the level of closeness needed to live like our neighbors who have four different couples, with varying ages of children living in a house not much larger than ours**, I can't help but think that they might be on to something. If nothing else, I'm going to bet that they get out to the movies more often than we do, and don't worry so much about how much they spend of babysitters.
So that's it. Nothing snarky tonight. Just a little gratitude for having married into a good family of people I like.
And a recommendation to go see Wreck-It Ralph. It's cute. If you'd have to pay a sitter to go see it, though, then maybe just wait till it's out on DVD. Sitters are expensive. I know.
*this probably endears her more to me than to J
**I'm thinking that have at least one more bathroom, though. I hope so. I realize it's a thoroughly late 20th-century American trait but I love having my own bathroom with it's gorgeous tub and walk-in closet. If moving to a commune requires giving up my own bathroom then I'm not going, I don't care how nice the childcare arrangements are.
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Extraverted iNtuitive....squirrel!
I have approximately three bajillion hours of grading to do.
I don't want to do it.
I've been able to avoid it thus far by prepping for a birthday party and now tidying up after it but really, it's sitting there. Mocking me. The kids have done all this work learning and I'm supposed to check and document all of it so I can tell them where they need to improve, but truth be known I'm terrible at grading in a timely fashion and given the set up of my program, (I see students one day a week) it's not as useful as it might be in a normal classroom. At least, this is what I tell myself when being mocked by my stacks of ungraded papers.
The current stack is mostly packets students did during "brain labs" where they got to learn about the different jobs of different parts of their brains. This year I get to teach a little bit about psychology, and how all the bits and pieces of the brain work together to create "the mind." I find it a fun and fascinating topic*, and would probably spend a lot more time on it if I could, but I like the previous unit for this year a lot, too, and the unit that comes after this one, and I never want to cut anything**. This is understandable, at least according to my personality type, which I get to find out yet again this year.
You see, each year I teach this, I have the kids take the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, which is a long list of somewhat awkwardly-worded Yes/No questions. It's hard for 10 and 11 year-olds to decipher so I go through it with them, reading each question aloud and translating as needed. Which means I typically take the thing four or five times in the space of a week.
I'm sure you're asking why I bother clicking Yes or No, and not just read the questions. Truth is, I don't know. I guess I just like answering questions about myself.
The weirdest part? My personality type changes, even over a couple days. If you've never taken this test, you can here and you'll get a little set of four letters, telling you if you're more introverted, or more of a judger or perceiver or whatever. Each letter comes with a little percentage, telling how much you are that particular type of trait. But as the week progresses, and I think more about the questions, my answers must change because usually by the end of the week at least one of the letters has changed and all of the percentages have moved quite a bit. I'm not sure what this means.
In general, though, I usually tend to be some kind of "ENFP" which is probably what that dog Doug was in the movie UP. I'm highly distractible, friendly, love to learn new things and have a tendency to chase squirrels***. I'm not a perfectionist, I can't be bothered with fiddly details and I have difficulty following the rules when I think the rules are getting in the way of things being done well, properly, efficiently or all three. This last trait does not endear me to administration, I'm sure, but what the hey. Nobody's perfect. I do try.
Speaking of, I should try to get some grading done. After doing a little more cleaning. Or watching Downton Abbey. Or....
*This is one of the coolest things about my job. I get to teach fun and interesting stuff all the time. I constantly get to research new topics and add cool new ideas to my curriculum. It is a charmed and wonderful thing.
**This is probably the worst part about my job† I really do hate cutting things out. It's all interesting. But stuff always falls out of the plans because I take too long to get through lessons. I'd like to think it's because I'm thorough, but really I think it's because I get sidetracked easily††
***not really
†besides grading. Grading is the worst part of any teaching job. Right now, writing in this blog is my way to avoid grading papers.
††as you might guess.
I don't want to do it.
I've been able to avoid it thus far by prepping for a birthday party and now tidying up after it but really, it's sitting there. Mocking me. The kids have done all this work learning and I'm supposed to check and document all of it so I can tell them where they need to improve, but truth be known I'm terrible at grading in a timely fashion and given the set up of my program, (I see students one day a week) it's not as useful as it might be in a normal classroom. At least, this is what I tell myself when being mocked by my stacks of ungraded papers.
The current stack is mostly packets students did during "brain labs" where they got to learn about the different jobs of different parts of their brains. This year I get to teach a little bit about psychology, and how all the bits and pieces of the brain work together to create "the mind." I find it a fun and fascinating topic*, and would probably spend a lot more time on it if I could, but I like the previous unit for this year a lot, too, and the unit that comes after this one, and I never want to cut anything**. This is understandable, at least according to my personality type, which I get to find out yet again this year.
You see, each year I teach this, I have the kids take the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory, which is a long list of somewhat awkwardly-worded Yes/No questions. It's hard for 10 and 11 year-olds to decipher so I go through it with them, reading each question aloud and translating as needed. Which means I typically take the thing four or five times in the space of a week.
I'm sure you're asking why I bother clicking Yes or No, and not just read the questions. Truth is, I don't know. I guess I just like answering questions about myself.
The weirdest part? My personality type changes, even over a couple days. If you've never taken this test, you can here and you'll get a little set of four letters, telling you if you're more introverted, or more of a judger or perceiver or whatever. Each letter comes with a little percentage, telling how much you are that particular type of trait. But as the week progresses, and I think more about the questions, my answers must change because usually by the end of the week at least one of the letters has changed and all of the percentages have moved quite a bit. I'm not sure what this means.
In general, though, I usually tend to be some kind of "ENFP" which is probably what that dog Doug was in the movie UP. I'm highly distractible, friendly, love to learn new things and have a tendency to chase squirrels***. I'm not a perfectionist, I can't be bothered with fiddly details and I have difficulty following the rules when I think the rules are getting in the way of things being done well, properly, efficiently or all three. This last trait does not endear me to administration, I'm sure, but what the hey. Nobody's perfect. I do try.
Speaking of, I should try to get some grading done. After doing a little more cleaning. Or watching Downton Abbey. Or....
*This is one of the coolest things about my job. I get to teach fun and interesting stuff all the time. I constantly get to research new topics and add cool new ideas to my curriculum. It is a charmed and wonderful thing.
**This is probably the worst part about my job† I really do hate cutting things out. It's all interesting. But stuff always falls out of the plans because I take too long to get through lessons. I'd like to think it's because I'm thorough, but really I think it's because I get sidetracked easily††
***not really
†besides grading. Grading is the worst part of any teaching job. Right now, writing in this blog is my way to avoid grading papers.
††as you might guess.
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